tick/tock

People sometimes contradict themselves. I believe you do too, even me. I guess it's a process to counter-balance our thoughts and desires, like a swinging podium. Don't blame me, i'm a libra after all. I always love to hear both sides of the story.

I'm part of the team that's never satisfied with life(proud/shame?). Why am i working so hard? Why am i not earning enough? You know, feeling disowned and unhappy, trying to pull fur outta fur coats. Constantly worrying what to wear, what shouldn't i wear, whether eating that extra piece of fry will kill me. Most of us, i guess, are totally covered with this buzzing thoughts, like mud slide 100 times over.

Time and time again, rain comes and clears the mud away. But are you aware? Well, usually we don't. Sooner after it rained, we are covered again by.. yes.... dark, choking thoughts of mud. The other day, i headed to Bugis to pray pray with my colleagues. Where most of us pray for good luck in work, exams, relationships(or some hot dates), i noticed one of my gal mate was closing her eyes, concentrating hard like she's reciting a verse.

I could almost see a break in her eye when i asked her what's wrong. Lets call her Ang. Ang is asking God to give her a positive feedback from her clinical result. As i have learnt, she used to have some kidney problems. But recently, it seemed to have a relapse again, after her check with the hospital. Some symptoms seemed to be showing, like bloatedness and urine colour. It's not the same anymore. I felt totally helpless when she started to cry. Ang, always so cheerful and beaming whether i see her, suddenly seemed like a withering being. All of a sudden, i wanted to become the tiniest living organism in the world.

Yes, that's right. Do we look broader than we should? Does earning brownie points get you that "ching" in life? I guess we are too busy to rethink again. Too busy deciding on who to dinner date with, how to buy that gorgeous tote that will make all envy. Stopping on your tracks now would be impossible. Any lag time and you will be left behind. Nobody waits anymore. I have yet to know Ang's results. I'm praying with all my heart that she will be fine. I want to see her smile that would brighter the moodiest weather.

The rain just fell. Mud clouding down. Will you remember?