........

I kind of unofficially broke up with my boyfriend yesterday night. Till now, I have not receive any calls or messages from him already, which I know he would never do as mentioned from my previous post. I can't remember the last time he called me either. It's really weird, how we don't chat on the phone. His reason? "Im boring and if we do talk, we will end up having nothing to talk."

From him being so quiet and "lazy", I know that we will never be able to get back together, and I guess it will be a test for him. Obviously I will want him back, but I am too tired being always the first to start, like I said many many times. Lord knows how horrible im feeling inside, does he even feels the same? I may never know. If we will not be together again, I hope you won't behave the same way again.

How I long for someone to hold and talk to, which I haven't for quite a few months actually. Sometimes I wonder why I have to go through all this, if I was any normal, would it be easier? Will I not worry about the future, my parents and those around me? I know I have friends who know about me and I really love them for being there for me, like this evening. I have always felt loneliness, maybe because im the only child. The sword has always been stuck in my chest for the longest time. I really don't know what lies ahead.