Wet Sunday

It was raining non-stop today. When I opened my eyes and looked out the window, I thought that it was only predawn, like 7am, but I realized it was actually 11am already! Did nothing much today. The only thing that got me pissed was when I had dinner with my parents. I told them that I might plan to study abroad next year. The issue was that I have told them about it since last year, but everytime I spoke of it, they will totally ignore me or pretend that they heard nothing. They will always ask me the same questions like "NUS NTU don't have meh??" And I did say no a dozen times. And I know they might have some money issues, thinking I would run away with their money, so I decided to get a bank loan instead.

But this particular evening, when I told them about this, they asked me why can't I enroll this year and why I did not tell them earlier! They even got worried that if I study next year I will have no friends, since most of them are going this year. I was speechless for a moment, before calmly telling them that I told them a dozen times about this and they never listened to me and the registration date have closed. And my dad as usually, thought that the registration date was in June, like our local schools, so he did not really bother about it. I know my mom especially is very static in her thinking. From other aunt friends, she confirmed that those who study abroad WILL become bad boys and girls. So she thought that if I went, I will turned bad and not study hard and end up ditching her. Yes there are some communication break downs between us, maybe my parents don't really talk to me much, but they should know im not that type of person.

There was once my mom even told me " if you want to study then go get bank loan lo, I don't want to chip in." This little sentence hurt me so much, it's not like I'm demanding a sports car from her. So I have since became very determined not to use any of their money, and try to get a loan.

Knowing that they committed something wrong, my parents was like asking if I can still sign up now or if there are any friends going next year. I don't know why things always have to be this way. Since I was young, I never really like asking help or extra pocket money from my mom especially, since she will always give me a foul face for no reason, like im asking for $5000!! So those who thinks that only sons are fucking pampered, please don't be so static too.

Sigh... I have been trying very hard to be closer to my parents but sometimes it feels quite pointless, like I literally live alone in this world.