Lost

Is it better to take your share of the pie or share it with someone who doesn't needs it more than you as compared to how you need the person?

People

You meet people, and slowly as time goes by, you know them better and they become part of your life. They become like a part of your body. And when they are a part of your body, you want to change them. You decide what's need to be changed, and you are eager for them to make the changes. But when they don't, or don't feel the need to, you become upset, and you start to be angry at them. They may never know why, cause you are the one who sees the need for them to change. The funny thing is, it's always easy to spot what other people need, but it's never the case for yourself. You will never know which part of you needs to be changed, and when you finally do, you don't feel the need to.

Happy day

Sengkang.... so modern and homely... Bleeah!!

Today's a happy day. Never felt so light-hearted in awhile. Hmm what did I do today? Had breakfast with my mom, then had driving lesson right in my neighborhood! Yup! My driving instructor is a really funny old man. He's constantly introducing his females students to me!

Uncle Steve:"This girl not bad, 22 years old, got 2 cars at home! Want a not? Next time I book your lesson after hers then you can see her"

Me:"Erm.. ok lo hehe.."

"This girl also, 20 years old, lives near you, ride bike somemore le! But abit tom boy one la you interested?"

"She short hair one ar?"

"Er aha... yeah lo but quite pretty le.."

"(*So obviously butch lo) Erm.. ok..hehe"

Yesh, I have a driving instructor cum match-maker, but he's a jolly fellow so driving time was always fun. Recently he bought a camera phone and I taught him how to use the functions. What's hilarious was that he told me he will take pics of his students and show me next time, see which girl I like wahah! Obviously I let him take a corny picture of me to let him show my suitors. Orh well.... Can I just tell him I want male suitors? Wahaha!

Currently I got a part-time job as a teacher assistant in a primary school, teaching kids how to use design softwares to do websites, videos etc! Sounds fun and it is, hopefully something fruitful will come out of it. It's quite a big shift from my career choice but I'm crossing my fingers..... you do that too ya!

Pound by pound

Its funny how things could happen, like you could predict them to. I always tell friends that Life is not what fate brings, but what you believe in, but somehow I don't tell it to myself. Why? Cause time and time again, the big dude up there will throw me surprises so bare and open I wonder if they are boggy traps. Like if I went ahead and fall for it, I would be written off as committing a horrible sin. Not that I won't be heading to hell haha, but this boggy traps just seemed so tempting, like the apple in the garden of Eden, so irresistible.....

Ponder Ponder Ponder

Not dates but real dates...... orh well.....

Going for a date is like going for a job interview. You meet the other party over lunch, dinner or a movie and you display your talents and he or she flaunts their peacock feathers. Through forced laughters, awkward silences, and a belting of oprah songs singing your high notes, you slowly gather the pieces and start deciding whether if he's the man for the job, or the woman to go further with. And when its all done, the moment of truth comes. "I will call you back" or "You will hear from me if you are selected" as compared to "We will offer you the position now" or a peck on the cheek pretty much shows where you stand. But wait, even when you dash passed base one, you gotta keep the momentum rolling. Start calling back if you are interested or else your date will be taken by another suitor, just like your job position. Humans are like rats, they leave no cheese uneaten.

Misadventure of my mom's shoe

Yesterday, after a nice noony nap, I decided to head out to town for a walk. Hence there I was, heading towards the kitchen window to retrieve my jeans that I was drying outside the window. When I tried to take in the bamboo pole in, I saw something shifted just below my eyes and before I knew it, my mom's shoe landed on the kitchen ledge one level below me. My mom wanted to dry her shoes and decided to balance them between 2 poles!


Darn!! At that moment, seeing the hapless shoe lying in an unreachable position, a few things went through my mind. Should I:

A. Tell my mom, and try some way to retrieve it
B. Pretend nothing happened, yawns~
C. Scream, create a scene and say that I was wrestling the shoe with an ugly crow and the shoe
landed down below in the end.

Weighing my options, or the lack of it actually, I decided to tell my mom. My mom(read aunt) then whined a little and I suggested going down to the neighbor's to get it back. But my dear mom told me they are not very friendly and might end up burning her shoe. I seriously doubted it but nonetheless fell for it and I began to build my tool to retrieve the shoe.


Maybe I just woke up then, but I realized how silly my "shoe scraper" was! It consisted of a bamboo pole, a pair of long chop sticks, a spoon(yes!!! wtf! A spoon!) and a clothes hanger attached together using cable tie. Initially I tried the pole alone but it was lacking about a feet more, hence I attached the other items when I realized how empty the kitchen was. At first, it was just the chopsticks, then came the spoon and finally, a hanger ;s haaha! The end came when I pushed out my final creation, slowly swinging my shoe scraper below, while my mom was holding my waist like a safety harness, and I was praying no one was watching this silly act. But bad things were meant to happen when you do silly things, and it did! The attachment of the spoon and hanger fell off and landed beside the shoe!

It was a Desperate Housewives moment. My mom and I couldn't stop laughing after and I decided I had enough! So down I went to my neighbor's, and when they spoke to me I tried to move to a darker part of the corridor when I pray they can't see my face well. I waited outside for a few moments before my very friendly neighbor returned with my hanger and told my he tried to retrieve the shoe but cant, but had pushed it down to the first floor.

Cost of shoe scraper: bamboo pole ($2), Chopsticks ($3), Spoon ($0.50), cable ties($1.00)
Time wasted: 1/2 hour
Moment when neighbor handed me my failed scraper: PRICELESS



Yes, orh what a day......

Shopper's paradise

Just went shopping for Qing ming with my dad earlier. Qing Ming is like a period for Chinese to pay their respects for the deceased. That's when you see people burning lots of paper money, houses, and clothes as a way to "send" these items to our family members in the nether world. So there I was with my dad, choosing the clothes, shoes and even accessories. Spotted: "luxury" items like bird's nest, and even abalone were seen! Besides the "in" items like PDA, credit cards, and the normal Rolex watches lol. There were so many other items to include for each "personal" package. Hell money now comes in many forms, even in US dollars! Yes that's right. Guess my dad is trying to get me to learn more about this tradition. Funny how all this beautiful paper sculpture will be burnt, but hopefully its for the good ;)

Hmm.. which colour should i choose for the suit...

Yes gold watches are a MUST....

New houses anyone?

Packing process.... the paper sculpture were neat!

And not forgetting, US notes are always better!

I'm like she's like we are kinda...

We can never have what we want
and we always get things we never really need
but when we have what we really wanted
we always ended up not really feeling happy

so we lust for things we envied
and hope to connect with those we fancy
and times like these we end up
all sobby and filled with unhappiness
is it wrong to crave for desire?
to brace the moment it blossoms?
to gain the apt for joy
and be contented hereafter?

I doubt so
we are cravers for more
and we hunt till we might
for something we cant find
so listless is our mind

03april2006

I won't forget this day. This day made me realized what type of people have I been meeting. Remember the guy whom I liked but had really messy signals? Well, last week he gave the worst signals ever. And in the end, he still told me he treats me like a bro. I'm fine with that, since I have lost everything I had wanted to gain.

He never contact me since. And when I messaged him today and asked if he was ignoring me, he told me he didn't want to send me the wrong signals. So I guessed I have been disposed, like some trash. I guess he never knows how im feeling right now.

Thank god I did not let him do anything sexually, if not I am so gonna feel worthless right now. But the thing that saddens me is how he stole my mental and emotional feelings. I guess some of you might not understand. He was the one who led me on and suddenly I'm dumped in a dessert. I have already wasted my time and there's nothing that I can get back, not like some bank investment. How I wish I have some memory eraser right now..Oh how I wish...

Seeing and believing

Haven't posted in a looooonnng while, Guess when you become a bummer, you tend to wait for the next day to do things, or the day after the next, and so on.

3 weeks have past since I quitted my job. Called my boss regarding my pay and they told me the lamest reason for not paying me up yet.

"We are very busy now and we will call you"

I guess they haven't found a new replacement yet, bet nobody wanna work in a low-paying stress-busting environment like theirs.

I'm still jobless and loveless lol! I realized when im working I tend to focus on my work to distract myself from my incredibly amazing and fucked up love life. Now that I'm unemployed, my mind kinda went crazy. Illusions of wanting and needing have never felt this great. My aim in life appears like a small flickle of light from a distance. I have never felt this way for a long time.
I guess people call it the 'tru-calling" ? The moment when you make real decisions when in the past you were running away from.

So what decisions do I have in mind? I don't know. Maybe I will think about it tommorrow.