win some... lose some....

The fear of going visiting during Chinese New year increases each year. Besides getting lesser ang baos, you have to face nifty relatives. Questions like "How's your studies" turn to "Working now?" before transforming to "got girlfriend yet?". Soon, I can feel it, they will start singing the same song "When you getting married??"

Just this year alone, all my male cousins are either getting engaged or brought their girl friends with them. I'm the youngest male leaflet in the family tree, but that excuse ain't going to save me for more then 3 yrs max. Worry and panic starts to set in. Followed by embarrassed stares and fake fingering of the hand phones. I'm getting bored. I'm starting to count down to the next CNY.

I met Speedy's nicer twin

Just awhile ago, I met the most exceptional cab driver. Where most cabbies wouldn't think twice about cutting into someone else's lane, this driver was as cautious as nobody I ever knew! He constantly checks the side and rear mirrors, and we drove at an incredible speed of 40km/h. Yes that's right, and when we were negotiating a bend, the vehicle would maneuver at a rate of 20km/h. For a few seconds, I envisioned a group of aunties in bright spandex enjoying a late-night walkathorn, laughing at us as they easily breezed pass our yellow top.

As more cars overtook us, even lorries(we were in the freaking left lane like forever!), I couldn't take it anymore and I told the uncle:

"Uncle ar, can you drive faster.....i'm in a hurry~~"
"Orh..okok.."

As I anticipate the outburst of a sudden energy that would sky rocket the car, nothing much happened. Yes, he did drove faster, as I saw the speed meter rose to 40's neighbor, the 50's. I gladly sat back on my seat as I patiently waited for the group of laughing aunties to overtake us.

First trip to Neverland

Love's probably got a lot of things to do
cause it left me alone in the blue
So what's on my list of "things to do"?
It's to get my good luck back to full
Yes sometimes everything seems unfair
but would you care?
Cause if you do
you will be the last one standing bare

Hmm... How does one be alone but not lonely? On that day when i fell in love, i knew i will never want to be alone again. Love is wonderful and airy, and the skies will open up bright and shiny. But is it just a great big symphony? An illusion that has nothing to hide?

Now that im heading back to the same old place, the back of my head tells me it feels like home. Star-gazing season is over now, and the dreamer in me finally woke up. So what's next? Head to a bar and look at the buffet spread? Hmm...actually that's not a bad idea.... ops ha! I'm thinking of going to a trip myself, just to be by myself with myself. Ops.... gotta go dinner now..... btw im still working...will continue again....

Push the button

This week is one of those weeks which you want to, immediately and permanently, trash in your recycle bin. My Ex finally had the balls to tell me that he wanted the break up because he was not 'interested" anymore.... after 1 freaking month of silence!

The work week was relaxing in the beginning, until an avalanche of sorts came tumbling down near the end. Just when I thought I had a weekend to myself, I found myself back in the office on sat working till late. The only thing that kept me going was the promise that the company will be closed for Chinese New Year till the 6th of Feb, which is about a week.

I am quite lost in my career department too. My prohibition period is ending this month, and I am hoping for a decent pay increment for the 3 months of hell(to me that is, I know its sort of a rite of passage). If not, I did probably find another job. I met this other guy from my school today and he told me he decided not to work in the design industry for now. He's currently working as a sales assistant, earning quite a pleasing amount too.

Sometimes I wished that I was less gullible and more erm... nasty? Hahaha! I tend to give in to others too much and it's a very bad thing in the working world. I feel useless sometimes and these have to change! I WILL NOT CONFORM!

Next week will be another hell, remember you tiny form...... NO CONFORMITY TO OTHERS!!!!

drifting

For some unknown reasons, I accidentally added my ex-boyfriend into a conversation that I was having with my friend on msn yesterday. From then now, everything seemed to went back to square one again. I quickly quitted the conversation box, but it didn't stop him from messaging me.

"wat u doing" (same freaking question)
me>"working lo u"
"nothing lo at home"
>"u still haven't found a job?"
"saw afew sending my resume"
>"what you doing man.... you did your resume before me"
"this whole month I don't know what I did"
>"u know im still angry with u"
"er....ya"

Before I could say anything more, he went offline. From this I know that he didn't change one bit, worst when we didn't spoke for 1 month, the longest we didn't spoke was only 3 days. I don't know why my heart still aches when I think of him, no matter what I do he's still there in my head. How I want to let go everything but I can't seem to, and there isn't anyone to talk to. Somehow I feel that I am going into depression again, it is welcoming me with open arms now......... Trip No.2 is always more enjoyable then the first one, and you get a free upgrade this time!

It's all in your head......

I'm drifting out into the lonely sea
wishing you will come back to me
I'm holding on to memories
the promise you once held so high
all I have now is wandering dreams

The colour of money

In the past, I used to believe that you can survive without money as long as you have love.
How naive~
Everyone shares a rather monotonous relationship with money, it is there when you don't have time for it, it will part ways when you need it most, and you just can't get enough of it. People go crazy over it, and some use it to get things their way, but would you really be happy with it? Yes, I guess you will. Money can't buy happiness? It all depends on how happiness satisfy you.

I used to wonder if life was less complicated, when you wouldn't even worry about counting how many calories you are eating(not that I do but its an example). How it would be like, living in Greenland, where you live as a hunter commanding dogs to pull your shed in the icy slopes, or some native village, where everyday is almost routine but filled with myths and legends. It's quite a crazy thought, but i'm quite crazy sometimes. There's so many unnecessary worries flooding from every corner that the urge to build an invisible wall seems to be the only way to get away from it all.

There isn't any motivational speeches over here, or words of wisdom to share. I'm still riding the high waves that threatens to engulf me any moment, trying to learn to enjoy being battled. But I am sitting in a twin cacao, with an empty seat behind me. The kayak keeps swirling to the wrong directions, and it's tiring to pull it back to place. If only I had money to get a power boat........

Everything is everything

Nothing much happened today. Woke up at 12 and stayed home all the way. Work day is gonna start again tomorrow and it sucks horribly. So little time, so many things to accomplish. And I over-budget again haha! Time to dig those loose change again ;p

My mom has been getting more "feng shuish" recently, thanks to all the Feng Shui magazines she's been getting. Since I was bored, I actually read it too (guilty pleasure muhahha) What I was most interested in, was obviously the "wealth" section haha, so here are some tips I gathered for anyone who wants an extra boost in their wallets with the help of Feng Shui:

1. Displaying a crystal globe on your desktop where you work will bring you not just success, it will bring you wealth and recognition as well. The Globe is one of the most powerful energizers for success in fields related to education, literature, publishing, media and communications.

2. Place a miniature sailing ship in your home or office, in the direction where it is sailing from your home door or office door. Fill your ship with coins, ingots, crystals and other treasures to symbolize a wealth ship laden with money that is sailing into your home or office! Candies and sweets are NOT considered wealth items.

3. Alternatively you can use an arowana figurine instead of a sailing ship. It is a powerful energizer of wealth, luck and happiness. Display them in a group of 9 for optimal results, if you have the space that is.

4. If your office is prone to back-stabbing, name-calling, and bitch fighting, you can harmonize the situation by displaying a rooster (yes a rooster!) to counter this nasty issues.

5. Now guys for some love! Girls who need help to find a mate, no worries! On the 15th day of the Chinese New Year, when the full moon is up, take 3 mandarin oranges with 3 most important traits of a man you want to marry written on it and head towards a lake.( if there's no lake, Bedok reservoir will do) Silently, ask the God of marriage to help you find your dream guy and toss the oranges into the lake!

For guys, it's really much easier. Look around your home or room, is it too male or Yang? With too many posters of sports cars and military equipments etc, that could be the reason! A room like this will only attract male friends! Start by softening the appearance of your living area with some female or Yin touches; soft lighting, curvy furniture and some posters of your dream girl will help alot! Getting a vanity table, however, might have different results.

Oh well, there's so much more to write and learn about haha. Anyway you can find out more at World of Feng Shui (from popular Feng Shui master Lillian Too) at www.wofs.com. Have fun Feng Shui-ing!

Time to go

Its been so long, the pain is beginning to fade
somehow a part of me still can't let go
scold me for being stupid
but eventually I know I will

I have met quite alot of people in my life
and no one has hurt me quite like the way you do
it's a lesson to learn, not to give in too much

sometimes when my heart aches, I wished I never knew you
the images and memories we had threatened to vanish in the black hole
Remember the good memories, some might say
but I prefer to bury them, burn them or drown them

now that I see what a major hypocrite you are, hiding in the shadows
I wished that I never brought you out to see the light
let you breath the air around
you should stayed in that cave, and hurt no more

Sunshine Taiwan

Here are some pics I took while on a holiday trip to Taiwan last year. The weather was warmer than Singapore when I went there in October, so those interested in heading there, go around the middle of the year.



This area (forgot the name) is famous for beautiful rock structures. Previously the whole area was at the bottom of the ocean, so these were coral rocks, like this above, known as "Empress head" hehe

Taiwan has alot of military presences in their country. This is the entrance of the resting place of their previous president. A group of military band members were practicing in the hot afternoon sun in full attire!

Here is another site, the guards in the process of changing shifts, where they will perform a few rituals and marches. Will post more pics soon!

Saw these 2 buildings that were completely covered with veins and other plants!! Looks kinda scary. That's the real concrete jungle!!

Wet Sunday

It was raining non-stop today. When I opened my eyes and looked out the window, I thought that it was only predawn, like 7am, but I realized it was actually 11am already! Did nothing much today. The only thing that got me pissed was when I had dinner with my parents. I told them that I might plan to study abroad next year. The issue was that I have told them about it since last year, but everytime I spoke of it, they will totally ignore me or pretend that they heard nothing. They will always ask me the same questions like "NUS NTU don't have meh??" And I did say no a dozen times. And I know they might have some money issues, thinking I would run away with their money, so I decided to get a bank loan instead.

But this particular evening, when I told them about this, they asked me why can't I enroll this year and why I did not tell them earlier! They even got worried that if I study next year I will have no friends, since most of them are going this year. I was speechless for a moment, before calmly telling them that I told them a dozen times about this and they never listened to me and the registration date have closed. And my dad as usually, thought that the registration date was in June, like our local schools, so he did not really bother about it. I know my mom especially is very static in her thinking. From other aunt friends, she confirmed that those who study abroad WILL become bad boys and girls. So she thought that if I went, I will turned bad and not study hard and end up ditching her. Yes there are some communication break downs between us, maybe my parents don't really talk to me much, but they should know im not that type of person.

There was once my mom even told me " if you want to study then go get bank loan lo, I don't want to chip in." This little sentence hurt me so much, it's not like I'm demanding a sports car from her. So I have since became very determined not to use any of their money, and try to get a loan.

Knowing that they committed something wrong, my parents was like asking if I can still sign up now or if there are any friends going next year. I don't know why things always have to be this way. Since I was young, I never really like asking help or extra pocket money from my mom especially, since she will always give me a foul face for no reason, like im asking for $5000!! So those who thinks that only sons are fucking pampered, please don't be so static too.

Sigh... I have been trying very hard to be closer to my parents but sometimes it feels quite pointless, like I literally live alone in this world.

Waiting for the sunset

It's 930pm, and I'm still at the office. Something is happening to me, and i really don't know what is it. I feel this intense loneliness in my heart, and there isn't a way for me to let it out. It feels so choked in my lungs sometimes that it feels like i'm going to cough out blood. I still can't get over someone, no matter how busy i would be, in the end of the day, when i lie on my bed, i still think of him.

There's no one to look forward to, no greetings to send, it feels so aimless and what a joke this is! I feel like i'm the only one around, maybe it's because most of the time i'm alone in the office, and it does drive people crazy. i'm so used to have people around me, especially when i work at the service industry. Now i'm servicing no one, just the lifeless computer. How i wish i could run away, but i don't know where i want to run to..... There's nothing to hold on to, no rope to save me from drowning into the world of darkness.....maybe i am already inside, cause all i see these days are visions of ending.

New Year's Resolutions

2006 Resolutions

1. Earn money AND save money
2. Get a driver's license
3. Get a diver's license
4. SAVE more money
5. Stop spending money on useless items that end up in the closet
6. Get out more often, but do not be naughty
7. Forget those who forgot me
8. Treasure friends and family members more
9. Convince my mom that dogs are cute and trainable pets and not monsters
that crept our of your pants in the middle of the night
10. Stop waiting for things to happen, make things happen

Get them now!