Days go by quite meaninglessly these days, like there's nothing to look forward to. New Year's Eve is up the corner, but nothing really excites me anymore. My working life hasn't really changed much, there's still the long hours and my pay is still way loooooww~~
But what's a guy gotta do right? Yesterday my bosses treated me for a rather nice dinner at this Jap restaurant at Joo Chiat(Yes the land of Uncles). The food was good(and free! hehe) and there were actually quite a lot of Japanese customers. I believe the place is called Waruko or Wurako.
I had pork cutlet rice. The serving was quite a lot! Ate till I almost puke.
This was a fried tofu dish. They have really nice food presentation too. The thin crispy layer of the tofu was heavenly~~~
Yup..... Its boxing day and I still can't forget what happened. Thank god I had my dear friends who partied with me during this xmas season. Oh how bad I want my baby back even though he doesn't miss me any more.... And how stupid of me to meet with him again for a movie after all this had happened. He acted like nothing had happened, like we had never loved at all! A million needles went through my heart.....It might just never recover.
These past 2 weeks have never been any better for me. Never had I felt so desperate, shitty and pathetic. Ever since my boyfriend told me he can't say that he love me back, everything seems to be going down hill. I guess he wants to move on, and I can't, and shouldn't stop him. This felt like my previous relationship, when I was the one who wanted to move on and left my boyfriend crying.
All these feel like some punishment, crying almost everyday..... It seemed so pointless to even think that he would return to me. What have I done? Why the sudden break off? He never, as always, tells me what went wrong. Towards the end of this week, im beginning to feel a little better. Maybe cause I have given up on trying to get him back, it's just so pointless.........
Back in the office, my big boss seems to be having PMS, flaring up at every little thing and being totally fussy. This, together with my recent breakup, made me feel so horrible and aimless that I just wanted to hide in some hole and never come out. Busy through the day, I only have my sleep time to ponder and clear my mind. I think I need a really good holiday soon..........
Yup day 3 is here..... and I am still here, alone. All I can think about is sniffy. I kept playing James blunt's "Goodbye my lover" almost continuously, I don't know why, I am sad enough already but I just want to listen to this sad song. Somehow the urge to cry has lessen, but it has been taken over by some sort of anger and grief.
Later I got to attend my boss's wedding dinner, how ironic it is. Worst thing is I was lazy to find a partner to come with me, so I am going to be alone sharing a table with a group of strangers! I totally have no mood to attend any happy functions right now..... I'm just a total mess.
My mom went batam with her friends yesterday and she's not back yet, and her phone was switched off. Thanks to my dad, who said that batam has a lot of snatch thieves and robberies, I am worried sick! Pleae let my mom have a safe trip home, and bring back my sniffy to me again........
Today is the second day leading from my unofficial break-up with my sniffy. He didn't contact me still. The longest time that we did not communicate was 3 days, which will be like tomorrow. Deep inside, I still constantly think of him, sometimes it feels like inch by inch of my life is being eaten away. Thankfully, the day went by quite quickly as I was with one of my great friends, Jasmine, and we went shopping for shoes for my wedding dinner tomorrow. No..... Obviously not my wedding, it's my boss dude!
I never really had a proper formal wear. Yesterday I kind of bought my second piece of long-sleeve formal shirt hahah! I know it's pathetic but I'm seriously stuck at being a shirt and jeans and berms kinda guy. After trying on, I feel like it will go well for visits during Chinese new year next year! HEhehe time for shopping again~~
Ahermmm~~~ Ok.... That would be the last thing on my mind though, im on extremely tight budget, with things to buy for xmas, my huge transport fees(Thinking of learning to ride a bike hmm..) and daily expenses. So Before I do anything silly, I need to remind myself:
YOU DON'T WANT TO END UP LIKE LAST MONTH, COUNTING AND USING COINS TO PAY FOR YOUR MEALS!!! DON'T EVER REACH THAT STAGE AGAIN PLEASE!!!!!!!!!
HEhe...... Sigh....I still MISS my sniffy........It's like getting constipated, something feels stuck somewhere( definitely not in my ass department...... how I wish~~~ STOP!!!). Surprisely I didn't feel the same for my previous relationship, maybe then I really wanted it to end hehe.....but not this time. Hmm.......It's actually day 3 already.........and counting..........
I kind of unofficially broke up with my boyfriend yesterday night. Till now, I have not receive any calls or messages from him already, which I know he would never do as mentioned from my previous post. I can't remember the last time he called me either. It's really weird, how we don't chat on the phone. His reason? "Im boring and if we do talk, we will end up having nothing to talk."
From him being so quiet and "lazy", I know that we will never be able to get back together, and I guess it will be a test for him. Obviously I will want him back, but I am too tired being always the first to start, like I said many many times. Lord knows how horrible im feeling inside, does he even feels the same? I may never know. If we will not be together again, I hope you won't behave the same way again.
How I long for someone to hold and talk to, which I haven't for quite a few months actually. Sometimes I wonder why I have to go through all this, if I was any normal, would it be easier? Will I not worry about the future, my parents and those around me? I know I have friends who know about me and I really love them for being there for me, like this evening. I have always felt loneliness, maybe because im the only child. The sword has always been stuck in my chest for the longest time. I really don't know what lies ahead.
Where are you? What are you doing? I missed you dearly and I blame myself. I missed the days when you were at least by my side, for me to hold. Now that we are out into the real world, I feel like we are living in worlds apart. Just 1 pathetic message is all I get from you everyday, and it's not even thoughtful. Im not sure, but is that enough for you? Its obviously not for me, that's why im always telling you all these things. Nothing seems to work, and its really sad.
This is like a typical ending relationship. I can see it coming. The tears are always trying to overflow my eyes, but I can't and don't have the time to. When I told you to have more initiative and stuff, you asked me what should you do? Are you really that silly? Your reasons that it will be hard since we are working is believable. But currently you are not and are you so busy to only ask about me once. When it was the other way round and I was jobless, I would constantly ask about you. Im always the one who initiate. We haven't meet for 2 weeks and I think we might never again, since you will never ask me out and I have given up asking. What is it with you? Are you really that lazy? Am I too loving for you? I think so too. Im a very emotional being and need you very badly. Imagine what my friends would say when I tell them you don't even say "I love you" or " miss you badly" at all to me.
Come to think of it, Im always the one who say these things. And they are important you know, they do make the person feel loved even when they can't meet up. You said that you have grown tired of me "nagging" at you, then what you want me to do, Im not going to let this carry on forever, can't you see its very pointless. You make me feel stupid, as if im harvesting love from a tree, a dead tree. You are always on my mind you know that? I really loved you, yes I said "loved" cause soon it might just turn to hate one day. Please wake up.
This week was surprisingly manageable, even without my big boss! The work load wasn't bad and sometimes I even had nothing to do! My second boss is gonna get married this Sunday, and he is only 26..... like 4 years my senior only! I can't imagine my life heading that way anytime soon, but things do happen right hehe
Since this week was quite relaxed in the work area, the same can't be said for my love life. The same things are still happening and I'm getting really tired. I ignored him and he thought I was playing around!! My heart really hit a new low this time....... It feels like having a log as a companion, and its too heavy to carry around. I really don't know if I should break up, but it's seriously hard, compared to previous relationships. Maybe it's because this time I really put in my heart and soul and things really went well until something somehow just wiped out my hard earned crops. I have yet to find the choke point and it's not easy when the other party is a log especially. I feel as if I should rather love my pets and plants more instead. Maybe that's why I have pets and plants in the first place! And my carnivorous plants are increasing in numbers....
All these seems like signs that I'm loving them more then I do to humans! I do enjoy caring for them though, it so relieves stress in a weird way....... Maybe I am just escaping from the truth.....
Finally, December has come! I am not very excited though, thinking about how much I am going to spend in this 'festive' season; the gifts, the food, clothes, more clothes hehhe! As you can see, I ended work early today :) Hopefully the same can be said for tomorrow. My boss told me that we will be contractors tomorrow, as we will be putting up a stage backdrop in a mall and sticking some stickers on buses. I never knew I had to do this "extra" services when I joined this company, and its slowly becoming a norm, which is a very BAD thing. I don't want to adapt to this!! It's like sai kang in army, you know, shit work...
Some pictures that I took in Hongkong......
The clues are everywhere..........
This little pig was for sale at a pet shop, it looked really sad...
I had pork cutlet rice. The serving was quite a lot! Ate till I almost puke. 
This was a fried tofu dish. They have really nice food presentation too. The thin crispy layer of the tofu was heavenly~~~ 
I had pork cutlet rice. The serving was quite a lot! Ate till I almost puke. 
This was a fried tofu dish. They have really nice food presentation too. The thin crispy layer of the tofu was heavenly~~~ 
